Finally I'm back home after staying in for 1 day in my camp followed by 2 days of duty! I feel like I'm been released from Changi Prison for any crime I committed to land in the jail.
Many things happened last week. Some are frustrating, some are sad, some are just pure stupidity... There are matters which made me shout "You may take away my life, but you'll never take away my freedom!" in the center of the world, there are matters which made me sad that I drop my tears... sigh, I'm in a loop.
Anyway, it seems like I'm under a serious depression behind my smile. Strangely, if I can identify my own depression, why can't I do anything about it? I don't know, I only know it does more harm than good to my body and I can't do anything about it. It seems my soul and my body are de-sync, seriously de-sync. I need help, but my body fought over the urge to. I'm in a dillema... I'm in trouble, yet I'm standing strong, fought over this mental war. Me oh me, who is the real me? The one who love everything and everyone, and got bullied, or the one who hate everything and everyone, and stand tall? I've no faith in any god, yet I studied about it. I've believed in god, yet I doubt over it for others. I'm in conflict of my otherself. Wait, who am I now? Me or me...?
Anyway, I'll still remain as myself, the sync part. I'll continue to do whatever I need to do and what I enjoy to do... That's myself... But it doesn't matter anymore... It'll be over, this indecisiveness of me...
To the whoever I want to see this blog (wait, I'm not refering to a girl and no, I'm not gay, but this msg is important.)
Person 1: Pls take your time to rest during the break, you need one... I understand your sadness over the recent matters. I just can't console you by any words cause I know, words can't heal. I shed my tears over others, for the 2nd time in my whole 22 years of life. Cause I'm sad for you and I'm afraid too... Pls... get over it... for the sake of yourself, your family and me... Enjoy your holiday and come back to us as a healthy and optimistic regular again. Aim to be the top, to be a WO, and a good WO...
Person 2: Time goes on, life changed... Time changed, life goes on... I still remember the first time I met you in one of the server when you and that CL invited me to be in the clan. I was then like, "Oh, fine... At least finally I can find some friends inside the game." I was so happy then, stressless boy who finished his O'Level, who finished his filthy life in that sec sch devil den and finally enjoyed the heavenly peace in the poly. I got to know these fine people, those whom I worth to be called "brothers". Recent incident was a sad one. It reminded me of the past when I was been seriously backstabbed by a "best-friend" whom I always thought to look after, to give him whatever he needs (as he's disabled), and guide him the right path (not to go be ah beng... going out any ruined his future)... Sadly, I failed to do so... I didn't managed to do it. I've been threatened by his friend not to visit him again. It was frustrating, it was embarressing. I went home like a loser, lose to a bunch of devils... I gave up... Several months later, I realise that he was deserted by those devils, and he left with no friends, yet I did not head back to him. Being as evil as I am, I had believed that I did what I suppose to do and that's it. End of line... For you, you've your friends, you have your new buddies in the circle. That's good for you... However, frustration behind the betrayed of my trust for brother is the same as my best friend in the gaming circle, once broken, never recover again... and to think it's thrice... I've no thanks, I've no sorry... That's the end... if you understand me of my point, then live on as if you did not know me in the first place... Cause it's over... all the best in your life too...
Person 3: The one I respected cause of your role in the clan. You handled everything by yourself, thus earned my respect. However I'm sorry to disappoint you that my aim since I joined has never been to the top. I joined for the sake of the person 2 I mentioned above. I've been asking myself why I joined in the first place, cause I wanna prove that I'm not a cheater, and I wanna be together with my brother. But time passed, things changed. I'm unable to do so. I'm always wanna be as a part of the family, however I couldn't do so. Unable to do so... Trying my best but always hit the wall, and I identified the wall as my aim, the very wrong aim from the beginning. It was a wise choice that you agreed to the decision made, and I'm happy that you did it. You did what a CL suppose to do, and I respect you till the very end. I thank you for wasting your time on me, a worthless addition to the clan, and sorry about it... All the best, may you guys aim for the top...
VIP(s): When's the feast? I'm free again... and this time, it's a big destressing feast :D Reply me asap...
That's all for the long entry... back to my photographing...
